i just want to write really quick but i also want to just put on my onesie and go make coffee and do the woodstove and start my day. but i have to write really quick.
i woke up crying this morning, because i had a dream that i went up to the ex’s house to get my stuff, and there was another girls stuff in my room. like he was moving someone else in before i was moved out. and i was thankfully able to do a shot, but then i texted him. it ended weird tho because i said “i had to leave, our relationship was killing me” and he said “well that explains it then” and that just scared the fuck out of me for some reason.. i don’t know why. but i meant with the cutting and my emotional shit, like what the fuck.
i need to buy facewash, badly.
so when dave and i are on the turnpike, which we always seem to be, i go “let’s play the secret game”, and he fucking sucks at it. i mean, really it’s harder than you’d think, and i usually end up telling random weird stories (like true ones) that have happened that no one or few people would know, from when i was younger, but it’s fun. and i think it tells a lot if you can play it with some one and have a good time with it.
because i am know in the pre-finding a new boyfriend phase i have to soul search. i have to heal a little too ya know, that was a terrible relationship and breakup and everything. it was just fucking absolutely horrendous and i don’t want to/can’t end up in something like that again.
like am i allowed to be picky? i keep telling deebs that im getting a fucking sexy boyfriend this time. they are out there and they exist. none of this settling shit. my first boyfriend ever/high school sweetheart lives literally 5 minutes away from me, and drives, and i am so caught up in being a fucking junky that i get too nervous to see him or don’t have time.
okay fuck this its onesie coffee time.